To Go Where Many Men Have Been Before!

When we last saw our caped crusaders they were having some car problems thanks to that crafty clown prince of crime “The Joker” and his cunning cohorts in crime. Batman and Robin had sped off to the Bat Cave on foot to analyse their now shrunken Batmobile. What terrible crime is “The Joker” up to now????

But it’s been shrunk by the Joker!

“What is the meaning of this fiendish plot?

Meanwhile unknown to anyone the Starship Enterprise is making its way back to Earth. Captain Kirk is arranging a landing party. He chooses Spock, McCoy and Scotty to accompany him down to Earth. 

McCoy and Spock are at it again. “It’s illogical to take time to choose one particular spot on the transporter when they are all identical. You would not get there any faster Doctor.” “That’s not the point!” “Gentleman please, we are on an important mission.” Order is finally restored and the landing party arrive outside Batman and Robin’s BNB.

Captain Kirk and his party start looking around. They see Joker and the others almost immediately. “There’s life Jim but not as we know it!” says Spock. “We come in peace says Kirk as they approach Joker, Riddler, Penguin and Catwoman. “Well hello there, meet the Joker. What brings you back down to Earth in such dreadful weather.” “We’re on a mission to compare our Earth with Earth as it is now. We’ve travelled many light years to get here.” “Well I’m afraid not much has changed since you left. It’s still 1966.” “Aye I warned you about overuse of those engines Captain. All that business of chasing the Klingons didn’t do the poor darlings much good. It’s put us behind and that’ll cost us dearly.” Kirk is anxious to get his mission underway so he gives some commands. “Scotty you and I will undertake some exploration of this area as originally planned. Spock and Bones will stay here and see what they can learn about our friends here. Who’s car is this? Can we take it?” “Oooh yes please take it. We are only too happy to lend it to you. Bon Voyage!” 

So with Kirk and Scotty on their way Spock and McCoy are left to find out what they can about their new friends. Joker and his cohorts in crime don’t know that the intrepid Trekkies think they are aliens. “Well now, do you have any spare rooms we could rent out for the night. We won’t be going back to the ship until tomorrow unless I miss my guess.” asks McCoy. Cat Woman is quick to offer her hospitality “I’ve got the perfect room for you darling. Elvis has left so you can have his room.” sniff sniff. “Elvis?” “Elvis the old pelvis! You know the guy.” Riddler does a quick impersonation of Elvis Presley. “Fascinating” says Spock. “He left the building huh? That’s too bad. We’ll take his room.” Catwoman shows Spock and McCoy around the BNB. They make themselves comfortable in their room. Spock walks around the room examining bits and pieces. “Most interesting wouldn’t you say Doctor. The inhabitants of this dwelling are not the owners yet they have made us feel most welcome.” “Well I don’t know about you Spock but I’m having a nightcap. Care to join me?” “Negative Doctor, my only intention is to carry out my orders and make some notes on our accommodation and our hosts.”  “Thinking of opening your own place Spock??? Well if you don’t want a drink let me enjoy this in peace will you. I’m a doctor not a journalist. I’ll write my report out in the morning.” Spock starts searching the room however.

“Bones” says Spock suddenly sounding almost human for once. He looks at them carefully trying to note how old they might be. “What do you want now Spock? I’m making myself a nightcap.” “No I simply said bones not Bones.” “And I said I was making myself a nightcap.” “There are bones in this wardrobe Doctor.” “What in the world are you talking about Spock?”McCoy goes back to the room they are sharing. There are indeed bones in the wardrobe.

McCoy also examines the skeleton. “Well Doctor?” “He’s dead Spock and has been for a very long time. I don’t know what you expect me to do for him. I’m a doctor not a magician. I can’t magically bring him back to life again so he can answer your questions.” “I shall inform the inhabitants of our find.” Spock calmly goes back downstairs to talk to Joker and the others about the skeleton in their room. “Yes you do that Spock. I’m sure they will be fascinated.”  he calls after him. “I always knew Spock had a skeleton in his closet” mumbles McCoy as he goes back to preparing his nightcap. 

Meanwhile Kirk and Scotty are speeding back to the BNB after doing some exploring. “Scotty can’t you get this thing to move any faster. The owners will probably want this back and we’re running very late.” Aye and that they will but only in one piece Captain.” “Full speed ahead Mr Scott. Give it everything you’ve got.” “I can’t give it anymore or she’ll blow! This isn’t a star ship Captain.” But Kirk persists in asking Scotty to drive even faster. “Warp Factor 9 Scotty.” The man’s gone mad thinks Scotty. ” I’m warning you Jim she can’t take any more. She’s already up to full capacity. You can’t change the laws of physics.” Scotty checks his mirrors and sees blue flashing lights. “#$%@@ it’s the police! Now you’ve done it Jim.” “Pull over Scotty and let me handle this.” 

Step out of the car please and let me see your licenses. Kirk and Scotty don’t have their licenses and inform the officer of this. “I’m sorry but I seem to have left it on the ship.” “Well you will have to accompany me to the station then.” They are taken to the local police station and asked some questions. “Now what ship did you say you were from.” “The Star Ship Enterprise.” “The Star Ship Enterprise eh? There is no Enterprise in New York Harbour. I suppose you are going to tell me you are Captain Kirk as well. “I am Captain Kirk.We come in peace. “Hey he’s armed!” “You are under arrest!” “What exactly are you charging us with Sargent.” “Reckless driving would be one for a start, grand theft auto, running a red light, giving a false name, failing to hold a proper driver’s license and carrying a deadly weapon. You are going down the river for a long time.” Kirk and Scotty realise they are in terrible trouble. Kirk pulls out a communicator. “Look I can get Mr Sulu on this communicator and he can verify everything that I’ve said. I repeat we come in peace.” “Well you can do all your verifying in court on Monday and you better go there in peace too.” Kirk and Scotty are taken to a cell to spend the night. The sargent calls Batman and informs him about his now abandoned car on the corner of Third and Maple Drive. 

Will Kirk and Scotty have to spend the night in jail? Will they try to escape and avoid Monday’s court session? What will Batman and Robin say when they find their car was never shrunk to the size of a MatchBox car? Whose skeleton is really in the closet of the BNB? Stay tuned for more next week.